18 Miles Per Hour

IT’S THE MOST HUNGOVER TIME OF THE YEAR.

It’s that time of the year. One Holiday party after another. But how do you do that and train? What’s the best cocktail to have if you know you’re going cycling the next morning?

Let me rephrase that: What’s the least-painful?

This is often-debated. Each cyclist has their own theory on how to handle it. From drinking a bottle of water between cocktails to the old “liquor before beer, never fear” thing. Or is it the other way around?

Mention beer the night before a significant ride and Rhys scrunches his face up and groans. “Gives you heavy legs” he claims. Our good friend Brad claims it’s the best option because it’s “like eating bread.” I agree. Because like bread, it makes me feel bloated, clogged up and heavy. So for us, beer is only okay after long rides when you plan on taking the next day or so off.

Vodka is the naughty intern of the alcohol world. You’ll always find plenty at corporate Holiday parties. And it seems so innocuous, clean and pure. So you think “why not?” And one thing leads seamlessly to another and you wake up full of regret and sometimes a lawsuit. Or something. Anyway, it’ll stick with you into the morning and all the next day. The intern and the vodka. You’ve been warned.  

If vodka is the innocent-looking intern, the brown liquors are the office whore. It looks dirty and it doesn’t try to hide it. You don’t normally think about whisky but damn, it’s looking pretty good tonight. Your friends pull you aside and try to warn you. “Whisky? Oh man, don’t do it.” But you shrug ‘em off. And…well…you know how that story ends.

Rum is kind of the pariah these days. It’ll just hide out in the egg nog, barely being noticed. But it’s a combination of thick fat, cream, eggs, rum, sugar and spices. Any one of those things will kill you. Putting them all together and trying to ride the next day is like a dare.

Gin? Really? That stuff makes you fight. ‘Nuff said.

Tequila? (see gin, whisky and vodka. Together. With LSD. And syrup of ipecac).

Personally, the one that affects me the least is sake. Good, cold sake. But we’re talking drinks that are served at Holiday parties. And if you’re at a Holiday party that’s serving sake then that is one overly-precious party you’re at, my friend. Or you’re in Japan. And then it’s a different Holiday altogether.

So we’re left with wine. Red wine. A couple glasses and yes, you start out the ride in a bit of a fog. But after a few miles you can plow through that fog and get on your way.

Of course if you really care about your ride and fitness, the best option is to have club soda. Or a soft drink with a dash of bitters if you really want to fancy it up. Whatever you do, enjoy it, don’t overdo it and stay away from the fried finger foods.

…Come to think of it, that’s the real evil at those parties.

Forget everything you just read and direct all your ire at those little mini-quiches. Those delicious, perfect, can’t-eat-just-one quiches.